What People don’t understand

When your husband (or partner) comes home, there’s some stuff people wont understand. This post might come across as b*tchy, mostly because the only people who read my blog at the moment are family and close friends, so it’s easy to be taken the wrong way, but trust me if it was directed at you, you’d know.

What people don’t understand:

  • Yes my husband is home for a week or two for holidays – No we don’t want to drive to see you.  (See b*tchy) honestly it goes through our head more often than not.  We haven’t seen each other in 8-10 weeks! If you were in our shoes and hadn’t seen your partner in a long while and they were home for a limited time would you really want to be driving everywhere? most likely not. We have a house come visit us.
  • Yes we have made plans for our little family- If you want to come on one of our outings pick ONE,  but please limit it to just one. As must as we love you, we would also like some time as just our little family. Remember the kids haven’t seen their Dad in 8-10 weeks as well.
  • No we are not changing our plans.(see b*tchy again) Most of our plans for when Tristan comes home are set way before he even books his flight. His time off is planned around family events (this time it’s his Step-Brothers wedding). Also we don’t change our plans for no one, we have a limited amount of time. Either fit into our plans or don’t. (wow that was extra b*tchy)
  • Don’t wait to make plans to see Tristan until he comes home.  Same as above, I normally have the week or two he is home planned out long before he ever gets here. If you wait until last minute the answer is most likely going to be no.
  • Just because we have free days doesn’t mean we want to fill them. You get to be home on weekends and enjoy your partner. We have 1-2 weeks to fit in as much time together as possible, so yes some days where we plan to do nothing but enjoy being home and not leave are great.
  • No we don’t really want to help with your <insert what you need help with here>(that sounded really b*tchy). We have our own to do list every time Tristan comes home. Yes we will squeeze it in if we can, and I know people aren’t going to understand if we don’t have time. (remember those free days we wanted to just stay home, they will expect us to fill those days for them)
  • No we don’t want to be apart. Please don’t ask Tristan to do something without the rest of us. We have just been apart for 8-10 weeks. If you are going to ask him to do something and not include the kids and I, the answer will be no.
  • You didn’t have time to come see us while Tristan is home? You guys are heartless people. Just kidding. It actually doesn’t bother us at all. We understand the world doesn’t revolve around us. (even though it should, right?) We understand everyone has a life and that’s fine. We now see everyone more than once every two years, trust me you not coming to see us is okay. I promise.
  • We are still figuring this out. We are only in our first year of doing this whole long distance relationship thing. We don’t have it all figured out. We haven’t learned to say “no” to people yet.  All we know is our relationship comes first before anything else.
  • No we don’t want your opinions. We don’t want the comments. We definitely do not want to hear what people think we should do. Tristan has a job interview next week. Even if the pay is decent (by Ontario standards) I know not everyone is going to understand whatever choice we make after the interview. They wont understand for us it is mostly to find out what jobs similar to the one he has in Alberta, pays in Ontario.  It’s more for information then to actually find a new job for him. Tristan makes amazing money. Any job he takes here will most likely be a cut in pay.  We have a very specific goal in our heads which is why we are doing the long distance relationship (it’s really not because we enjoy being away from each other).
  • I’m not used to sharing my husband. I’ve had him to myself (okay,so I’ve had to share with the kids) for the last 8 1/2 years. I really don’t want to share him all the time with anyone when he comes home.

What you (mostly me) need to remember:

  • Everyone else is getting used to the arrangement as well.
  • Everyone thinks their comments are helpful (just smile and nod)
  • If you don’t want peoples opinions keep it to yourself (ie. the job interview, I’ve been more stress about the comments and opinions to come then the actual interview itself, we already know we most likely aren’t taking the job)
  • Just breath, before I know it this will just be another chapter in our lives.

Nothing about a long distance relationship is easy, not your hubby or partner being gone and not them being home. Trying to find the right balance and people not understand will always be the hardest part. So grin and bare it, before you know it, it will just be another chapter in  your story book!

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