First day back Jitters

Clearly to do a long distance relationship, your relationship needs to be strong. If you have any doubts in your relationship distance will only make those doubts stronger! I like to think I’m a pretty confident person, I’ve accepted most of my flaws as a piece of who I am and I try not to think about what other people think about me. But the moment I’m about to see my husband again… well that’s another story, his opinion is one that matters and though I know he is well aware of all my flaws it doesn’t stop those first day back jitters.

  • My weight gain- I know Tristan will love me no matter my size, but for weeks when we facetime he’s mentioned that he thinks I’ve lost weight (though I’m pretty sure it’s the opposite but again my scale is broken so who really knows for sure) but there’s still that what if I have gained and he notices. (though I’m pretty sure like most men if he does notice he’s smart enough to keep his mouth shut, right?)
  • Oh, that loving feeling (did Top Gun just start playing in your head too?)  You know when you are in love and you can just feel it, in the hugs, the kisses, the touches, ect. I live in a moment of fear that maybe in the 8-10 weeks Tristan has been gone that we somehow may have lost that.
  • What if I don’t recognize him. Haha, could you imagine going to pick someone up at the airport and not recognizing them. Specially a spouse. It’s an irrational jitter but time apart does weird things to your head.
  • What if the comfortable silence we’ve always had is uncomfortable now? You know those people you can just be with and you don’t feel like you always have to talk. Your spouse should be one of those people. but what if that changed?
  • What if we have nothing to talk about. In my head it doesn’t matter that I talk to him 8-15 or more times a day. (yes really that much, and no it’s not excessive! I call when I’m in the car on bluetooth or whenever something comes up, to say good morning and  goodnight, If I can’t sleep. You get the point,  we talk all the time!)  But what if in the 4 hours he’s been on that plane something changed?
  • What if I’m no longer attracted to him or him to me.  Again it doesn’t matter that we facetime or talk all the time. I never doubt that he loves me or that I love him, but the jitters really do bring out the worst fears.
  • What if he has a new annoying habit I can’t stand. We’ve been married for over 11 years you’d think I’d know all the annoying habits by now, but…

Of course it doesn’t matter how many jitters I have. Once we see each other again all of the jitters go away. Hey, we are new to this whole long distance thing.  Of course peoples comments and opinions don’t help us (mostly me) from having those jitters. Specially when people have thrown the word divorce into the mix with most people who do long distance relationships. (It definitely does not help that people have started those rumors about us) I’m sure my irrational jitters will go away, eventually, or my mind might just make up other irrational jitters. (What if I didn’t cut the lawn right, what if the house isn’t clean enough, what if he doesn’t like the type of clothing I buy him any more. What if after years of not snoring he or I have started, what if….)

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