Long distance relationships are hard! It’s a crazy emotional roller coaster. You go from happy to crying in a matter of seconds.
The week before Tristan comes home, I bounce between excited, anxious, and nervous with a pinch of fear. (What if he’s changed, what if I’ve changed and we don’t like the changes)
The week Tristan in home, I’m over the moon with happiness, the sadness that time goes by to quickly, the odd time anger (hey, he is my husband and still knows how to push my buttons at times), doubt (did we make the right choice in choosing this life style), hopeful (Maybe I will win the lottery and we can be done with this and he can just come home for good. Or maybe a job will come along in Ontario that pays decent and we can be done). Sometimes I get irrationally angry at people outside the situation- This one is a hard one to control. Extremely hard this time around, as some of my Sister in Laws went on a spa day and I felt extremely left out, even though in my mind I know I wouldn’t have gone. I wouldn’t have wanted to spend Tristan’s final day at home away from him. But to not receive even an invite. I was(and still am at the moment) extremely angered by it.
The first week Tristan is gone, extreme sadness (did you expect anything else?), extremely tired (It’s hard to get used to sleeping in a king size bed all by yourself again! First world problem, I know), laziness with a pinch of a tiny depression (I normally let the chores slide for a few days after Tristan leaves, unless some one is due to stop by the house looks more like a tornado went through it), more self doubt (are we making the right choices should the kids and I move back to Alberta), emptiness, the house is a whole lot quieter when Tristan is gone! Determination, since I’m the sole person in the house that deals with the bills, every time Tristan leaves it helps me make sure I’m putting as much money as I can on our debt, getting investments going, and trying to make the best possible choices with our money. (No pressure eh? The fate of this family lies in my hands <Enter the Dun Dun Duuuuuun music here>)
The rest of the weeks Tristan are gone, It gets a bit easier. We find our happy moments, the tears are gone. We still hope I’ve won the lottery and we can end this life style now. We start making plans for the future (what activities will the kids do after school this year, what will we do the next time Tristan comes home). Our lazy-do-nothing days still come and go at times. The doubt is always there, and most likely wont go away for sometime. We wont know if we made the right decision until years down the road.
Just tonight Tristan and I were talking about him applying to a company that is hard to get into. Now don’t get me wrong Tristan makes great money where he works now, but he got to talking to the guys that were loading his trailer today and their drivers make 200,000-250,000/ year. Could you imagine? What the heck would we do with an extra $100,000 a year. It would definitely speed up what we were trying to accomplish. But Tristan said he’d move the kids and I back to Alberta. If he was making that kind of money I can definitely understand that, and since I’m still trying to deal with my irrational anger towards other people this week… If given the option right now I’d totally jump on it… then most likely regret it later.
With the emotional roller coaster that comes with the long distance relationships, I can definitely understand why most of them end in divorce. If you don’t have a solid relationship, there’s no way it would ever survive the ups and downs.
I’m not sure where this crazy roller coaster is taking us, or where we will get off. But for now I’m just trying to take it one day and one emotion at a time.