Things I should be banned from doing..

There are some things that I consider to be bad for my health, the possible health of others and maybe my marriage.

To put them in any sort of order would be a shame as most of them are equally important, though I plan to change none of it. Hey, my husband married me as I am… and our vows said and I quote “til death do us part”, and we seem to take that very seriously. So if I ever mysteriously go missing, my guess is the husband finally found his way out, just let him be free… Trust me I’ve most likely tortured him enough.

I have what I like to called a chameleon personality. If I’m around people with big personalities, I tend to take on some of their traits. I’m sure this gets extremely annoying for my husband. He can pretty much guess who I have been around depending on the phrases I that spew from my mouth.  I’ve noticed this works for TV shows as well. I find it amusing, though when I explain to him the kids and I have been bing watching Gilmore Girls, and that the kids and I have come to the conclusion all Tristan’s are bad boys. I don’t think he was amused, though I am blaming his cold on that one.(I mean he owns a motorcycle, that’s classic bad boy, not to mention all the stuff he did in his younger days) Really anyone should avoid me right now. I’m normally sarcastic on the best of days, when I start watching shows like Gilmore Girls (and Veronica Mars… Oh! I can’t wait for iZombie to start up again!) my sarcasm hits a whole new level.   Eventually  you may even be able to tell in my writing habits. I feel slightly smarter at the moment, those Gilmore Girls use some pretty spectacular words.(You may even notice my vocabulary is slightly more sophisticated today. I promise, it will only last until two weeks after I watch the final episode)  So I’m thinking watching shows with sarcastic and witty writing should be banned. But since Tristan’s not home and I out number the kids on thee account that I’m the adult and can ground them, it’s not going to happen.

Eating out should be another thing I get banned for! Though I am trying extremely hard to cut this out! It has been made easier by the fact that I now live in the country and to go get take out (unless I only want to eat pizza, since that’s the only thing that delivers out here) is an extreme hassle. We have to decide where we want to eat BEFORE we leave the house. Who does that? I mean, in Edmonton, I just went online and anything and everything could be delivered. Or if we couldn’t decided we would drive around and see what caught our eye. Now we live in the half way point between two towns and the choice has to be made so I know which direction to turn out of my driveway. I’d like to say my cooking skills are improving… We will just say the kids haven’t starved yet, and they are quickly learning to cook on their own.

I guess I must admit. I should be banned from shopping.(or at least be under constant supervision) I, like many women, consider myself to be an excellent shopper. Come on, I’m already planning my Christmas shopping list. I can’t seem to leave Walmart without spending a min. of $200! (I’m still not sure how this happens, I swear I don’t know what I buy there! It’s like a warp hole you get sucked into, and your money comes along for the ride) I’m extremely pro at online shopping, I’m sure Tristan stopped counting how many packages came in the mail while he was home for his two week vacation.(Kudos to him for fighting the urge to ask how much I spent)

Eating junk food. I know I did a food one, but I love my sweets! How I don’t weigh over 600lbs and get my own TV show, I’ll never know. I always joked when I moved back to Ontario, I’d go work for Ferrero Rocher! They make Nutella there and of course Ferrero Rochers, my favorite chocolates! It’s rumoured that you can eat the Ferreri Rochers fresh off the line. Who could pass up a chance to eat your favorite chocolate straight off the line?? Tristan(with good reason) has firmly banned me from that job.

Gardening, my arch nemesis! Really it’s for the health of the plants that I should be banned from it. I don’t see how people can find it enjoyable and relaxing! Everything I touch dies, plant wise, not children wise!(I felt the need to specify) The kids have been able to keep themselves alive since they were two, I’m sure they will survive until adulthood now.  I’m not sure what my grandmother was thinking,  going to Europe and leave me in charge to take care of her garden. Her poor, poor garden! Please say a prayer for it. It needs it! I swear I’m trying my best!  I’ve started taking out gardens around my house. Okay so it’s not me taking the gardens out, I think Tristan took pity on them and the outside curb appeal of the house, and started pulling them out. I’m now looking for a low maintenance garden, maybe a rock garden? Though I’m sure I’d find a way to kill that garden too. Sigh, there’s really nothing that can be done.  I’m a menace to plants.

Staying up late, worst habit I have. With Tristan being gone I loath going to bed early! I can’t stand it! The bed is cold, it’s too big, and if there is a storm… it’s too scary! Yes I’m a big girl and yes I get scared. I’m a princess and my husband is supposed to protect me from everything!  I really do need to be put on a curfew but I find my wittiest and sarcastic writing comes at night, which hopefully you find amusing.  I don’t want to be alone at night with my thoughts, so I have decided to broadcast them to the world! Why should I be the only ones stuck with these amazing thoughts in my head? Some people speak and like to be as surprised as everyone else by what they say. I like to type and be surprised… and hope spell check fixes the rest.

Manuel labour. I’m just not built for it! I blame Tristan 100%. In my younger years, I helped my dad build fences, renovate a house, build a pretty kick butt fort in the backyard etc.  Since getting married… I don’t have to do any of that stuff… at all.  Don’t get me wrong, I do try to help. I push the shopping cart around Home Depo (when the kids let me! Sometime the kids push me around in the shopping cart, it’s just practice for when I get older) oh and I get to hold Tristan’s coffee while he loads the car! Since I got laid off, I often look for jobs on the internet while I chat with Tristan on the phone. I made the comment about me maybe going to work in construction or in a warehouse. His comment “How’s that dirt pile coming along? (It was before he came home and I hadn’t touched it. Now conveniently, the dirt pile is gone of course. I’m proud to say I did help load the trailer once with dirt out of the 6 times they(Tristan and the kids, Shianne helped a little) loaded it, I may have taken many breaks… Someone had to make sure Tristan had water to drink) It wasn’t until this year that I had to start mowing the lawn, I’m only allowed to do the perimeter of the yard and the kids take over. I’m also conveniently unaware of how to run the snow blower! Tristan didn’t even bother trying to teach me, he just went straight to my then 11 year old son. It really is Tristan’s fault I’m as pampered as I am. We even spoke about it. I conveniently got to point it out to him on one of our shopping trips to Home Depo during his recently two week vacation, I started to help unload the shopping cart into the car, when he handed me his coffee. I really wasn’t joking about holding the coffee, it actually happens on numerous occasions. This was one time I pointed it out to him and blamed him for me living the pampered life in which I have become accustomed to.

Driving without the GPS. I’m what I like to call, Directionally Handicapped.  I couldn’t find my way out of a room with one door. Okay, well, I’m not that bad but I did get lost on the upper floor of a building when I was given the choice of 3 doors.  My favorite story to tell is the time Adrian was 5 and he had gone to Tristan’s place of work once with me before.  I couldn’t find it on the second time. Finally Adrian sighed loudly from the backseat of the car and said “MOM! If you don’t start listening to me, we are NEVER going to get there!” So I listened to my 5 year old son, and got to see my husband at work!  I’ve lost count of how many times the kids have asked “Mom do you know where we are going?” If I answer “no” or “kind of” They reply “We’d better leave early, in case we get lost”.  Tristan has the find my phone app, not so he can keep track of where I am, but so when I call him hysterical because I’m lost and the GPS is against me, he can more easily navigate me to my destination. The kids and I even like to play a game called “Mommy thinks she knows the way home” It starts by me saying “I think I know my way home! Do you want me to take the long way home or use the GPS?” It’s a fun game we never know where we are going to end up! Once it was just a few blocks from where we started… after 30 minutes of driving… Good times.

I’m sure there are many many more things I should be banned from! But I think this list will suffice for now. Maybe I’ll add to it later!  I’m sure Tristan has accepted my many quirks as what makes me, me! I’m a firm believer in life you need to be able to laugh at yourself! You can’t take life too serious, no one gets out alive!

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