This week has been an extremely emotional roller coaster. I’m sure it’s made harder by the fact that my husband isn’t home. You know those hugs that only a spouse can give you that seem to help make everything feel all better? Yea, I could go for one of those right now. Unfortunately I have to wait until mid October to get one.
The cancer news definitely hit me like a bag of bricks. I wasn’t the only one affected! My mom who lives in Edmonton was in her car the next day after she found out and made her way to Ontario just to spend a few days with Olga. I might not be close with my mom but knowing she was there for the first time I worked up the guts to see Olga was kind of comforting. It didn’t help that I was on the phone with Alexis moments before I decided to make the 5 minute drive down the road. I tried to hold it together, giving myself the pep talk while I was driving. “You are going to be strong”, “You are NOT going to cry”
I walked in through the door, took one look at Alexis’s Dad and I couldn’t help it I just bawled like a baby. This has been my extended family forever. It’s hard to hold it together. I’m crying right now. You can’t see me (which is probably a good thing, I’m not a pretty crier) But the tears are definitely streaming. Of course when I finally calmed down slightly after hugging her dad I walked into the living room where Olga is sitting in her hospital bed that’s been brought to her house and I started again. It got easier after the hugs and I calmed down. It also helped that I came baring gifts for her.
It’s a good thing I like to shop, sure this is going to spoil the girl gift for Christmas, so if you are family and you don’t want the surprise spoiled skip down to the next paragraph! As anyone who follows my blog know I’ve already started Christmas shopping. I love clearance sections because you get the best deals. Last year I got my mom a heat shawl for Christmas, this year I found it in the clearance section. Originally I bought one for my grandma, but then later that day I picked up my Mother in Law and I went to pick up another one because it would make a great girl gift for Christmas. There was two left at the time and I decided to get both. My Mother in Law asked me what I planned to do with the second one, originally I wasn’t sure I said I might just keep it. How ever it has a new home with Olga. I know my arms and shoulders get cold when I’m reading in bed and I thought maybe she might have the same problem. it turns out I was right she could use it because she was constantly heating up those bean things you put in the microwave, those are not comfortable to lie on. I feel it’s one of those everything happens for a reason moments.
Everyone is dealing the best they can. What else can you really do? There’s no definite date on when or if she will pass away. I’ve been there two days in a row. So I’ve seen people panic each day over one thing or another, usually minor things. I think it’s their way of dealing so they focus on something else. I can understand that. I’ve been there done that when Tristan was sick in the hospital 6 years ago. It works to their advantage me being off work. I’ve told Alexis if her mom takes a turn for the worst, just let me know and I’ll look after her clothing store she owns for the day. Or if her mom needs more quiet time she can drop her kids off at my house and go have some alone time with her mom. I know the family needs all the support they can get in a time like this and I’m doing my best to do my part.
I almost made it through today’s visits with out crying. I was good until Olga told me she considered me part of her family. It one of those moments where I just couldn’t hold it together. With out me doing so my kids have started calling Olga and Jan (Alexis’s dad) Grandma and Grandpa. They give them hugs. They refer to Alexis’s kids as their cousins, with the exception of her oldest girl. Shianne like to call her, her sister. I love Shianne to bits and how she has no problem making everyone part of the family, even if it makes no sense to other people.
Olga mention today that tomorrow certain people might stop by and she mention I might. So I’m going to take that as she would like me to stop by and I’ll go in the morning for a bit and then I’m spending most of the rest of the day with Alexis at her store. I’ll get her to show me anything I need to know in case I do need to look after her store and we will brain storm marketing idea’s to help her get her mind of what is going on with her mom. Plus I’ll come baring Starbucks, really who wouldn’t want me stopping by when I bring gifts all the time? I’m such a giver.
I figure my place in this crappy situation is just to lend support and a shoulder when I can, distract when I have to, and just be around when they need someone. It’s one of those blessings in disguise that I don’t have a job right now, my time is definitely being better served right now.