I’m not sure what is with me lately. I’m definitely not feeling like my self!
This year has been such a yoyo. With emotion, with not knowing if we are going to stay in Ontario or move back to Alberta. Not having a job plays a big factor into how I’m feeling. I want to say it’s close to being depressed. But I can pull myself out of it. I’m one of those people that are aware of what is going on with me. I’ll be the first to admit my flaws. I pay attention to myself and I know when things are right.
Not having a job right now makes me feel like I don’t have much of a purpose. I’m definitely not helping Tristan get home sooner… if that’s what we choose. I’m at a point where I don’t want an office job. I don’t want to live out the rest of my life stuck in a cubical. I know what I don’t want… The problem is I’m not sure what I do want. Being down does not give me the motivation to go out and figure out what I do want. and there lies the endless circle.
But step 1 is recognizing the problem. Step 2 is trying to figure out a solution. That I don’t have yet. I’m working on it though. I’m just not sure where I want to go yet.
It is a lot harder to deal with, with Tristan being gone. I do have a pretty good support system in place, which is nice for a change. I’m just not sure what will make me happy. That is the million dollar question. If I could figure that out life would be great.
Until then I’m just kind of floating, waiting… I’m just not sure what it is I’m waiting for.